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Photo's are changed monthy and in addition to my own work, you will also find photography for sale here by other Foxy photographers I work with.
If you have something special you wish me to paint or photograph for you, just contact me and we can see what we can create together - for you!
Friday, June 5, 2009
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
I miss you Mom
June... dreaded June. Pollen hangs thickly in the air, running nose, drippy eyes, stuffy head and itchy skin.
Remind me why people look forward to June? Yesterday my dear sweet Hollywood was put to sleep. She was my first cat. There has never ever been a cat like her in the world. I've had a fair share of cats since her, but Hollywood... she was simply something special.
Maria told me she went peacefully. Her and Cyril held her paw as she slipped into the next life. If I think about it, I can feel her little paws, see her beautiful green eyes. She has touched me like no other cat ever will. I can't stop crying I miss her so very, very much.
Today is my dead Mother's birthday. She died March 1st, 1989 after many years of diabetic related illnessess. When she died she had gangreen (hope I'm spelling that right, if not screw it... just don't care right now) running throughout her entire body. There was nothing left. I miss her so much, I never got the opportunity to spoil my Mother. Just to say hey Mom let's go shopping it's ALL on me! I want to sit in the sunshine and discuss guys, cooking, religion, music everything with my Mom. I can't... because she was taken from me, when I was 16. I'm going to listen to Creedance Clearwater Revival all day today for Mom and tonight my husband and I will go to McDonald's and I'll eat something there for her. I used to eat a Big Mac for her, but I can no longer stomach those, they make me feel really ill. It was her favourite!!! God I miss her... I miss her so very much.
June 12th is also a very difficult day for me. It's the anniversary of the day a bullet took my Father's life in 1981. He was born September 25th, 1949. My Father may not have been perfect, far from perfect... but he was my Father and he certainly didn't deserve a bullet through the brain to end his life. The official report, suicide... but everyone knows the other guy pulled the trigger and it was covered up. Why? Because this guy was a normal guy who made a mistake, and my Father... he was nothing but trouble. Why destroy a good guys life, when it can be chalked up to suicide and pushed under the rug.
It's hard for me to say I miss my Dad. I don't miss who he was back then, but I do miss the potential of who he could have become if he had gotten help. I miss that we never had an adult relationship. I never got to go fishing with my Dad (his favourite hobby) or help him work on an engine together or build something together. He had so much potential if it hadn't of been for his youth, the drugs, the alchohol, gambling and more.
It's funny I said to my cousin Greg the other day, how I still expect one day... some crystal meth addicted person will contact me and they will be my long lost half brother or sister from one of the zillion hookers my Dad slept with. It's highly doubtful and of the babies that would have come out of that situation would have became anything more than a drug addicted, crack addict or something.
If it hadn't of been for my Mother, my sweet niave Mother... who knows what I would have become. I ran so far from home as soon as opportunity allowed. I wasn't going to be part of that scene. I wanted an education. I wanted a normal life, with a roof over my head, a job, 2.5 kids and a white picket fence.
Okay maybe I didn't get the 2.5 kids... but I have 2 dogs and a cat, that comes close doesn't it? And I don't have a white picket fence, it's natural wood coloured. But at least I have a fence, a yard and a sturdy roof over my head in a house I own with my dear husband.
I guess it's just painful to remember, because there is nothing I can do to change it. The control freak in me, wants to make it all better, perfect... and I cannot. I want to spoil my Mother, I want to hug Hollywood and I want to ride a chopper with my Dad.
June can damn well hurry up and be over... so that I can return to my regular strange self instead of a crying soppy self... stuck in the past.
Remind me why people look forward to June? Yesterday my dear sweet Hollywood was put to sleep. She was my first cat. There has never ever been a cat like her in the world. I've had a fair share of cats since her, but Hollywood... she was simply something special.
Maria told me she went peacefully. Her and Cyril held her paw as she slipped into the next life. If I think about it, I can feel her little paws, see her beautiful green eyes. She has touched me like no other cat ever will. I can't stop crying I miss her so very, very much.
Today is my dead Mother's birthday. She died March 1st, 1989 after many years of diabetic related illnessess. When she died she had gangreen (hope I'm spelling that right, if not screw it... just don't care right now) running throughout her entire body. There was nothing left. I miss her so much, I never got the opportunity to spoil my Mother. Just to say hey Mom let's go shopping it's ALL on me! I want to sit in the sunshine and discuss guys, cooking, religion, music everything with my Mom. I can't... because she was taken from me, when I was 16. I'm going to listen to Creedance Clearwater Revival all day today for Mom and tonight my husband and I will go to McDonald's and I'll eat something there for her. I used to eat a Big Mac for her, but I can no longer stomach those, they make me feel really ill. It was her favourite!!! God I miss her... I miss her so very much.
June 12th is also a very difficult day for me. It's the anniversary of the day a bullet took my Father's life in 1981. He was born September 25th, 1949. My Father may not have been perfect, far from perfect... but he was my Father and he certainly didn't deserve a bullet through the brain to end his life. The official report, suicide... but everyone knows the other guy pulled the trigger and it was covered up. Why? Because this guy was a normal guy who made a mistake, and my Father... he was nothing but trouble. Why destroy a good guys life, when it can be chalked up to suicide and pushed under the rug.
It's hard for me to say I miss my Dad. I don't miss who he was back then, but I do miss the potential of who he could have become if he had gotten help. I miss that we never had an adult relationship. I never got to go fishing with my Dad (his favourite hobby) or help him work on an engine together or build something together. He had so much potential if it hadn't of been for his youth, the drugs, the alchohol, gambling and more.
It's funny I said to my cousin Greg the other day, how I still expect one day... some crystal meth addicted person will contact me and they will be my long lost half brother or sister from one of the zillion hookers my Dad slept with. It's highly doubtful and of the babies that would have come out of that situation would have became anything more than a drug addicted, crack addict or something.
If it hadn't of been for my Mother, my sweet niave Mother... who knows what I would have become. I ran so far from home as soon as opportunity allowed. I wasn't going to be part of that scene. I wanted an education. I wanted a normal life, with a roof over my head, a job, 2.5 kids and a white picket fence.
Okay maybe I didn't get the 2.5 kids... but I have 2 dogs and a cat, that comes close doesn't it? And I don't have a white picket fence, it's natural wood coloured. But at least I have a fence, a yard and a sturdy roof over my head in a house I own with my dear husband.
I guess it's just painful to remember, because there is nothing I can do to change it. The control freak in me, wants to make it all better, perfect... and I cannot. I want to spoil my Mother, I want to hug Hollywood and I want to ride a chopper with my Dad.
June can damn well hurry up and be over... so that I can return to my regular strange self instead of a crying soppy self... stuck in the past.
Monday, June 1, 2009
RIP Hollywood
RIP Hollywood. My kitty cat. You came into this world on October 8th, 1990. You leave us June 1st, 2009.
I still remember the day Steven and I brought you home. I was sick from school that morning, at the age of 17. By early afternoon I was feeling better from whatever I was sick from. Steven and I looked through the paper and found you... we decided hey let's get a cat.
We called and you were the last kitten left in the litter. We got on the bus in the bitter cold. It was winter in Saskatchewan and I was stupid enough to wear little blue suede china doll shoes. We brought a box with a blanket in it with us and went across the city on the bus.
The bus driver let us off on the wrong stop and we had to walk forever in the bitter cold. Steven left me at a bus stop and he ran the rest of the way to get you. We bundled you up in that box and I could see you little nose and eyes peeking at me between the holes in the box.
We stopped at Safeway and put you in the cart. We bought you all the things a kitty cat needs and took you home.
You were so shy, hiding under the tv stand. I cried to Steven... afraid you'd never love me and come to me. I'd never owned a cat before and you were special and I wanted to love you more than anything.
We woke up in the night and there you were cuddled up between us. This beautiful kitten with the greenest eyes I'd ever seen. We named you Hollywood because we just knew you were a shining star.
I want you to know, I'll never forget you. You will always remain with me. I cannot thank you enough for loving me and being in my life. I would not have made it through so many things if you hadn't of been there, holding my hand always reassuring me, things would be okay.
I'll miss you my baby, my darling, my love. My adorable kitten sent from heaven above. You amazed me with your tricks and your talents. You could open a pizza box of any size or shape. You could hear a yoghurt container being open from 10 miles away. You would always sit and listen, you never judged me. In good times and bad, dear sweet Holly. You were always there for me.
RIP baby girl. Mama loves you...
I still remember the day Steven and I brought you home. I was sick from school that morning, at the age of 17. By early afternoon I was feeling better from whatever I was sick from. Steven and I looked through the paper and found you... we decided hey let's get a cat.
We called and you were the last kitten left in the litter. We got on the bus in the bitter cold. It was winter in Saskatchewan and I was stupid enough to wear little blue suede china doll shoes. We brought a box with a blanket in it with us and went across the city on the bus.
The bus driver let us off on the wrong stop and we had to walk forever in the bitter cold. Steven left me at a bus stop and he ran the rest of the way to get you. We bundled you up in that box and I could see you little nose and eyes peeking at me between the holes in the box.
We stopped at Safeway and put you in the cart. We bought you all the things a kitty cat needs and took you home.
You were so shy, hiding under the tv stand. I cried to Steven... afraid you'd never love me and come to me. I'd never owned a cat before and you were special and I wanted to love you more than anything.
We woke up in the night and there you were cuddled up between us. This beautiful kitten with the greenest eyes I'd ever seen. We named you Hollywood because we just knew you were a shining star.
I want you to know, I'll never forget you. You will always remain with me. I cannot thank you enough for loving me and being in my life. I would not have made it through so many things if you hadn't of been there, holding my hand always reassuring me, things would be okay.
I'll miss you my baby, my darling, my love. My adorable kitten sent from heaven above. You amazed me with your tricks and your talents. You could open a pizza box of any size or shape. You could hear a yoghurt container being open from 10 miles away. You would always sit and listen, you never judged me. In good times and bad, dear sweet Holly. You were always there for me.
RIP baby girl. Mama loves you...
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Reporting live... this week's bits and bobs
Well I have to say this week has been better than the last one. Only having to witness one dying creature! (How I wish everything could last forever - besides mosquitos and ticks!)
Sunday we went walking in the woods for a couple of hours with the dogs. It's the first time we have ever gone this deep into the woods. And of course... Vlad gets a tick! I have managed to get it out safely, but I think we'll take him to the vet tomorrow, just to check up. Funny thing was Saturday I was looking at a tick remover and my dear husband Ruud said... naah, we don't need that. Well apparently we did!
But besides the tick, it was a great time. The stroller we got for Delilah was put to very good use and she enjoyed herself as long as Daddy and Vlad were behind her and not in front. Haha... Spoilt princess!
Monday I finally had my appointment for school. I aced the iq logic test only screwing up one answer, due to my paranoia of running out time and reversing a letter. But that was my own stupidity! Relax... breathe!
So now I'm waiting for the call on when I can start classes. I'm still hoping for the next two weeks, but as the days tick by, I am beginning to believe red tape has me again... and my classes will be delayed until the fall, because someone accidently slid my file to the bottom or something stupid like that.
We had crazy storms here all week. It seems to be finally passing, but it has taken out the neighbors fence. I discovered it yesterday while walking the dogs. Ruud will help me fix the mess tonight when he gets home from work. Since we're house sitting... I'm not worried, neighbor lady already talked to me about it before she left for vacation. She knew it would happen anytime now!
Wednesday (yesterday) Ruud and I had our date night. After nearly 9 years together, you have to spice things up a little from time to time. I headed to Almere ahead of him to do a little shopping. Finally managing to find some coffee mugs we both like! 6 for 10 Euros, very nice! We love big and clunky coffee mugs, enough for 2 cups! I can't stand these pint sized cups that make you get up every 5 minutes for a refill. Sometimes I want to curl up with a hot cup of coffee or tea, a good book, movie or letter and not be disturbed. Hence... refills are a pain in the arse!
Ruud then took me to Sephora to pick up some make-up. He knows I love it there, so he was more than happy to spoil me. I didn't go crazy, just some mascara, liquid make-up and powder. But I had a lovely conversation with the male clerk there. It's the second time I've been to this Sephora and we hit it off the first time, he was relieved to see me it appeared and broke away from the flock of women looking for free samples and what not. We discussed Clinique vs Sephora. He's a nice guy, can't wait to go back again!
Ruud and I grabbed a quick bite to eat at Burger King, I had the chicken wings and a diet coke and then we were off to see the new X-Men Wolverine movie. It was really good! Nice and gritty and dark! The end was a little cheesy at parts, but I won't give anything away. All I'm going to say is... nice action, nice story, pretty sweet special effects and many a fine and hot looking men in the movie... mmm Ryan Reynolds! DROOL!
Was nice to snuggle with hubby during the film and just appreciate one another. We had a great time talking about the film on the drive home and shortly after we were in bed, resting our heads for the night.
But I must confess... I was bad again. I bought yet another Ruby Gloom bag. It was the one I saw after I left the shop last time and it's been on my mind since I was there. So I indulged and bought it. Now I can cleary say it's out of my system and I can control my shopping impulses. It's a ridiculous collection these purses, half of them are illogically sized and really not that useful. But when I see them hanging in a shop and I don't have it... I just can't get it off my mind. It's really the one addictive shopping thing I have... Ruby Gloom purses. At 36, this can't be normal, can it?
And why is it, that no matter how much you vacumn, there is always that one escapie dust bunny... the one that is suddenly sitting there after you've put everything away and are sitting there with your cup of tea enjoying the view out your window. Suddenly out of the corner of your eye... there it is... the dust bunny that escaped!
Sunday we went walking in the woods for a couple of hours with the dogs. It's the first time we have ever gone this deep into the woods. And of course... Vlad gets a tick! I have managed to get it out safely, but I think we'll take him to the vet tomorrow, just to check up. Funny thing was Saturday I was looking at a tick remover and my dear husband Ruud said... naah, we don't need that. Well apparently we did!
But besides the tick, it was a great time. The stroller we got for Delilah was put to very good use and she enjoyed herself as long as Daddy and Vlad were behind her and not in front. Haha... Spoilt princess!
Monday I finally had my appointment for school. I aced the iq logic test only screwing up one answer, due to my paranoia of running out time and reversing a letter. But that was my own stupidity! Relax... breathe!
So now I'm waiting for the call on when I can start classes. I'm still hoping for the next two weeks, but as the days tick by, I am beginning to believe red tape has me again... and my classes will be delayed until the fall, because someone accidently slid my file to the bottom or something stupid like that.
We had crazy storms here all week. It seems to be finally passing, but it has taken out the neighbors fence. I discovered it yesterday while walking the dogs. Ruud will help me fix the mess tonight when he gets home from work. Since we're house sitting... I'm not worried, neighbor lady already talked to me about it before she left for vacation. She knew it would happen anytime now!
Wednesday (yesterday) Ruud and I had our date night. After nearly 9 years together, you have to spice things up a little from time to time. I headed to Almere ahead of him to do a little shopping. Finally managing to find some coffee mugs we both like! 6 for 10 Euros, very nice! We love big and clunky coffee mugs, enough for 2 cups! I can't stand these pint sized cups that make you get up every 5 minutes for a refill. Sometimes I want to curl up with a hot cup of coffee or tea, a good book, movie or letter and not be disturbed. Hence... refills are a pain in the arse!
Ruud then took me to Sephora to pick up some make-up. He knows I love it there, so he was more than happy to spoil me. I didn't go crazy, just some mascara, liquid make-up and powder. But I had a lovely conversation with the male clerk there. It's the second time I've been to this Sephora and we hit it off the first time, he was relieved to see me it appeared and broke away from the flock of women looking for free samples and what not. We discussed Clinique vs Sephora. He's a nice guy, can't wait to go back again!
Ruud and I grabbed a quick bite to eat at Burger King, I had the chicken wings and a diet coke and then we were off to see the new X-Men Wolverine movie. It was really good! Nice and gritty and dark! The end was a little cheesy at parts, but I won't give anything away. All I'm going to say is... nice action, nice story, pretty sweet special effects and many a fine and hot looking men in the movie... mmm Ryan Reynolds! DROOL!
Was nice to snuggle with hubby during the film and just appreciate one another. We had a great time talking about the film on the drive home and shortly after we were in bed, resting our heads for the night.
But I must confess... I was bad again. I bought yet another Ruby Gloom bag. It was the one I saw after I left the shop last time and it's been on my mind since I was there. So I indulged and bought it. Now I can cleary say it's out of my system and I can control my shopping impulses. It's a ridiculous collection these purses, half of them are illogically sized and really not that useful. But when I see them hanging in a shop and I don't have it... I just can't get it off my mind. It's really the one addictive shopping thing I have... Ruby Gloom purses. At 36, this can't be normal, can it?
And why is it, that no matter how much you vacumn, there is always that one escapie dust bunny... the one that is suddenly sitting there after you've put everything away and are sitting there with your cup of tea enjoying the view out your window. Suddenly out of the corner of your eye... there it is... the dust bunny that escaped!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Vlad = 1, Birdie = 0... RIP Birdie
My dog is the sweetest dog you will ever meet, but in the end... he's still a dog. Dogs have instincts and dogs will do, what dogs will do.
Now I grew up in a farming community and have seen a lot of things that might be a little more difficult for city folk to handle, where as someone who grew up in say New York or somewhere big can also handle things I cannot.
Today my doggie Vlad killed his first bird. When we moved to Lelystad we knew we were moving to a MUCH more nature orientated area and well, it's spring... the world is bursting with new life.
Vlad had just gone outside to fetch his toy ball when I heard this horrific squawking, I looked outside and Vlad was standing there rather confused. Between two flower pots there was a sparrow, confused and terrified. Obviously yet another one to have flown into our huge windows at the back of the house. Not the first time and certainly not the last.
I called for my husband to get a towel and a bucket or box, while I held Vlad from scaring the poor little bird any further.
My husband brings me a towel, I said... OKAY, now a box or something... he was completely freaked out by the entire thing. Standing there frozen. My husband grew up in city with a very sheltering family. So he's had little to no experience with the wilderness of the world.
He brings me a bucket finally and I ask him to hold Vlad... well ask... that's a lie. I was being quite demanding and overbearing perhaps but in an emergency situation, there is no room for please, thank you and can you pass the butter?
He just kept standing in the doorway out of the action calling Vlad, rather than grabbing him. Once we got Vlad in the house, he let him go again... AHHHH! I managed to get a towel around the birdie, who was quite scared and I was trying to gently get it into the bucket. It was clear to me that it was just stunned and would be okay.
Ruud was already taking it for dead I think... what a panic! Before I knew it, Birdie was squawking and Vlad lunged in and grabbed it... running across the yard with birdie in it's mouth and dropping it out of our reach. It was too late, Birdie was dead. Birdie had gone to another place, hopefully a better place filled with bird seed and a ready built birdie condo with a self cleaning facility.
It laid on it's back, eyes closed and neck to the side. It had happened in an instant and he hadn't really suffered. My husband finally running outside, screaming OH NO as the tears began to form in his eyes... you could see the regret and the realization of what had just happened.
I collected with the towel and bucket, birdie and quietly disposed of birdie in the best way that I could.
My husband standing in the kitchen with red eyes, petting Vlad. We talked about it all and he realized if he had taken more action we probably could have saved Birdie, or maybe not? Maybe this was just how it was supposed to play out?
I did tell him that he really has to expect more of this, we live right by the water and the forest. You walk 2 minutes in any direction and you hit water and forest... there is no escaping the nature and all that it will bring. We chose this relaxing atmosphere, but we also have to be prepared to deal with the things it gives us, good and bad.
It's a tough life lesson for all involved, Vlad's first kill... a test of my Mothering and teaching abilities and a lot of new lessons for my dear sweet husband.
RIP Birdie, I'm sorry your time had to come in the mouth of my dog.
Now I grew up in a farming community and have seen a lot of things that might be a little more difficult for city folk to handle, where as someone who grew up in say New York or somewhere big can also handle things I cannot.
Today my doggie Vlad killed his first bird. When we moved to Lelystad we knew we were moving to a MUCH more nature orientated area and well, it's spring... the world is bursting with new life.
Vlad had just gone outside to fetch his toy ball when I heard this horrific squawking, I looked outside and Vlad was standing there rather confused. Between two flower pots there was a sparrow, confused and terrified. Obviously yet another one to have flown into our huge windows at the back of the house. Not the first time and certainly not the last.
I called for my husband to get a towel and a bucket or box, while I held Vlad from scaring the poor little bird any further.
My husband brings me a towel, I said... OKAY, now a box or something... he was completely freaked out by the entire thing. Standing there frozen. My husband grew up in city with a very sheltering family. So he's had little to no experience with the wilderness of the world.
He brings me a bucket finally and I ask him to hold Vlad... well ask... that's a lie. I was being quite demanding and overbearing perhaps but in an emergency situation, there is no room for please, thank you and can you pass the butter?
He just kept standing in the doorway out of the action calling Vlad, rather than grabbing him. Once we got Vlad in the house, he let him go again... AHHHH! I managed to get a towel around the birdie, who was quite scared and I was trying to gently get it into the bucket. It was clear to me that it was just stunned and would be okay.
Ruud was already taking it for dead I think... what a panic! Before I knew it, Birdie was squawking and Vlad lunged in and grabbed it... running across the yard with birdie in it's mouth and dropping it out of our reach. It was too late, Birdie was dead. Birdie had gone to another place, hopefully a better place filled with bird seed and a ready built birdie condo with a self cleaning facility.
It laid on it's back, eyes closed and neck to the side. It had happened in an instant and he hadn't really suffered. My husband finally running outside, screaming OH NO as the tears began to form in his eyes... you could see the regret and the realization of what had just happened.
I collected with the towel and bucket, birdie and quietly disposed of birdie in the best way that I could.
My husband standing in the kitchen with red eyes, petting Vlad. We talked about it all and he realized if he had taken more action we probably could have saved Birdie, or maybe not? Maybe this was just how it was supposed to play out?
I did tell him that he really has to expect more of this, we live right by the water and the forest. You walk 2 minutes in any direction and you hit water and forest... there is no escaping the nature and all that it will bring. We chose this relaxing atmosphere, but we also have to be prepared to deal with the things it gives us, good and bad.
It's a tough life lesson for all involved, Vlad's first kill... a test of my Mothering and teaching abilities and a lot of new lessons for my dear sweet husband.
RIP Birdie, I'm sorry your time had to come in the mouth of my dog.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Does Monday really have bad karma?
Okay, so last week I was really, really sick with this cold/flu thing. I'm finally up and feeling like my old chipper self. I got out of bed at 7:30 this morning, showered and began my day.
The sun was shining, the birds were singing... and I thought. Okay, at 10 am I'll walk the dogs in the woods for a good couple of hours and work up a nice appetite for a healthy lunch! There wasn't even a cloud in the sky!
9:15 am... a gust of wind like no other and the sky turned black! It's windy and cold and the sky is getting ready to spew forth bitter cold and very wet rain (is there dry rain?) So much for my plans.
So what to do? Sit at home studying of course. I'll spend sometime playing ball and wrestling with the dogs. Perhaps force myself to run around the living room at ridiculous speeds while playing Wii Sport? I am sure I could vacumn and dust again, do the rest of the dishes as well.
I have some stamps to put on letters as well! I'm trying to be optimistic here and think positively as my dreams of tiptoeing through the nettles in the forest have been crushed by icy cold wind.
But why, where does it come from? Why is it always Monday's that seem to give us the crap? Or is this just an old wives tale, that has been deeply imbedded in our brains over the centuries? Are all days equally unlucky?
The sun was shining, the birds were singing... and I thought. Okay, at 10 am I'll walk the dogs in the woods for a good couple of hours and work up a nice appetite for a healthy lunch! There wasn't even a cloud in the sky!
9:15 am... a gust of wind like no other and the sky turned black! It's windy and cold and the sky is getting ready to spew forth bitter cold and very wet rain (is there dry rain?) So much for my plans.
So what to do? Sit at home studying of course. I'll spend sometime playing ball and wrestling with the dogs. Perhaps force myself to run around the living room at ridiculous speeds while playing Wii Sport? I am sure I could vacumn and dust again, do the rest of the dishes as well.
I have some stamps to put on letters as well! I'm trying to be optimistic here and think positively as my dreams of tiptoeing through the nettles in the forest have been crushed by icy cold wind.
But why, where does it come from? Why is it always Monday's that seem to give us the crap? Or is this just an old wives tale, that has been deeply imbedded in our brains over the centuries? Are all days equally unlucky?
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Trying to put it all together
Unfortunately I'm still ill from this cold/flu. But each day gets a little better.
You know I find myself trying to figure myself out a little these days. I'm quite sure it's all because I'm jobless at the moment and slowly driving myself to some form of insanity by overthinking everything.
I know, I know... I have to learn Dutch before I'm going to get a new job and I'm working on that. I have my school appointment coming up at the end of this month. This is all my own problem and part of my life process, learning how to sit still and enjoy myself. This is my time and it's my time for a reason... but what am I doing with my time?
I dabble in a bit of this and I dabble in a bit of that. But why can't I be a more successful dabbler? You know I've never, ever, ever thought of myself as a perfectionist in any way shape or form. But a few years ago an ex co-worker of mine discussed this aspect of my personality with me. Am I? Yes in some ways, but I don't think I'm a very good perfectionist, because I'm always wanting to make that perfect part of me, even more perfect. Ahhh, I see you are confused... don't worry so am I?
This school appointment really cannot come quickly enough, because once I have my school dates set I can then set on doing something on some sort of regular basis. Being unemployed makes a person well... forget the deadlines, forget the boundaries. Sure I make myself be up between 7 and 8 am every morning, routine, routine, routine...
I go out with friends once a week or so, I study my Dutch before lunch everyday. I do some sort of physical exercise everyday. Make sure my housework is done, my dogs are tended to in every which way possible... but somehow, I wonder is this enough???
I feel my brain sinking away between the cracks. I need stimulation!!! I need conversation!!! I require coffee, people and intense conversations about anything from Marilyn Monroe to Blues Clues children's programming... It just has to have passion, it has to have emotion, feeling and depth.
The bottom line, I don't do well sitting alone at home... ill.
You know I find myself trying to figure myself out a little these days. I'm quite sure it's all because I'm jobless at the moment and slowly driving myself to some form of insanity by overthinking everything.
I know, I know... I have to learn Dutch before I'm going to get a new job and I'm working on that. I have my school appointment coming up at the end of this month. This is all my own problem and part of my life process, learning how to sit still and enjoy myself. This is my time and it's my time for a reason... but what am I doing with my time?
I dabble in a bit of this and I dabble in a bit of that. But why can't I be a more successful dabbler? You know I've never, ever, ever thought of myself as a perfectionist in any way shape or form. But a few years ago an ex co-worker of mine discussed this aspect of my personality with me. Am I? Yes in some ways, but I don't think I'm a very good perfectionist, because I'm always wanting to make that perfect part of me, even more perfect. Ahhh, I see you are confused... don't worry so am I?
This school appointment really cannot come quickly enough, because once I have my school dates set I can then set on doing something on some sort of regular basis. Being unemployed makes a person well... forget the deadlines, forget the boundaries. Sure I make myself be up between 7 and 8 am every morning, routine, routine, routine...
I go out with friends once a week or so, I study my Dutch before lunch everyday. I do some sort of physical exercise everyday. Make sure my housework is done, my dogs are tended to in every which way possible... but somehow, I wonder is this enough???
I feel my brain sinking away between the cracks. I need stimulation!!! I need conversation!!! I require coffee, people and intense conversations about anything from Marilyn Monroe to Blues Clues children's programming... It just has to have passion, it has to have emotion, feeling and depth.
The bottom line, I don't do well sitting alone at home... ill.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Sick, sick, sick
Last week hubby came home from work, ill... He was home from work on Thursday while I went out visiting with a dear friend.
Friday morning, my version of his illness began. By Monday I was a stuffed up, dizzy, delusional sick to my stomach, drooling zombie.
I'd like to say Tuesday has been better, but in all honesty... not by much. I had plans on Monday, cancelled those. I had plans for tomorrow, cancelled those... I also have plans for Friday, I've prewarned the people, I may be cancelling those.
Hubby was dear enough to bring home supper tonight as I'm in no shape to cook. At least the sick to my stomach stage is gone, but I can barely speak and when I do manage to mutter something, it really doesn't make a lot of sense.
I feel sorry for my doggies right now, as I can tell they are bored. Mum isn't up to her usual fun self. I'm really hoping this doesn't last much longer as it's really bringing me down.
I'm one of these people that is always on the go, always up for an adventure and this is just getting in my way.
Friday morning, my version of his illness began. By Monday I was a stuffed up, dizzy, delusional sick to my stomach, drooling zombie.
I'd like to say Tuesday has been better, but in all honesty... not by much. I had plans on Monday, cancelled those. I had plans for tomorrow, cancelled those... I also have plans for Friday, I've prewarned the people, I may be cancelling those.
Hubby was dear enough to bring home supper tonight as I'm in no shape to cook. At least the sick to my stomach stage is gone, but I can barely speak and when I do manage to mutter something, it really doesn't make a lot of sense.
I feel sorry for my doggies right now, as I can tell they are bored. Mum isn't up to her usual fun self. I'm really hoping this doesn't last much longer as it's really bringing me down.
I'm one of these people that is always on the go, always up for an adventure and this is just getting in my way.
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